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Embarrassing confessions?? Lets hear them

Tue 10th May 2011 12:54pm

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can we just start a new thread and have neox reel off a bunch of his stories? i got fuck all else going on today, and they are funny enough to make you shit yourself.
Tue 10th May 2011 12:56pm

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eriD said...
can we just start a new thread and have neox reel off a bunch of his stories? i got fuck all else going on today, and they are funny enough to make you shit yourself.

+1
Tue 10th May 2011 12:59pm

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eriD said...
can we just start a new thread and have neox reel off a bunch of his stories? i got fuck all else going on today, and they are funny enough to make you shit yourself.
Tue 10th May 2011 2:14pm

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eriD said...
can we just start a new thread and have neox reel off a bunch of his stories? i got fuck all else going on today, and they are funny enough to make you shit yourself.
Tue 10th May 2011 4:35pm

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rea1ity- said...
eriD said...
can we just start a new thread and have neox reel off a bunch of his stories? i got fuck all else going on today, and they are funny enough to make you shit yourself.
Tue 10th May 2011 7:11pm
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neox said...
i think my faith in thesgl's humour was restored because of this page.

if any of you were ever to ask my friends what i was like, you'd get a simple answer. I poo myself often. Best episode of this was after a hard days graft at asda. Went round my uncles for a bbq with a standard 24 cans of scrumpy jack. I was at this bbq and proceeded to drink but not eat, i wasnt interested in eating i just wanted to get fucked and goto some clubs later on. So several cans of scrumpy jack, karaoke, and the usual good old barrow family fighting fun later and i was walking to the clubs with my mate. Next thing you know, without warning, i've just done the slimiest, wettest cider poo i have ever done in my life. At the time I was wearing really baggy jeans and a very old belt. In my angry 'cant believe ive just shit myself' drunken state i decided to fall back to a church garden where I could wipe my ass and hopefully salvage the situation. After leaving my shitty boxers in the driveway of a church I decided putting my pants on was a good idea, until I got to putting my belt on, for some reason I did it very angrily, and i go and snap this old leather belt. So ive got shit all over my legs and my arse, i cant hold my pants up all the way home without looking like a massive spacker so i tried to tie my belt into a knot! It worked so we carried on into town (not the smart thing like go home and get changed). We were dancing around in a club, met all our mates and then look what happens. The belt knot lasted about 45 minutes, i didnt realise it had come undone. So I was stood in the middle of the dance floor in this club throwing my cock around with dry shit all over my legs until the bouncers thrown me out. Called it a day after that.


brilliant!
Tue 10th May 2011 7:23pm
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Cave Johnson Here;

Whilst meeting the other half of my family which live in Wales we all went down to the pier and have a decent stroll, i was 14 at the time and after not feel the well, i went up to my father and said, i really busting for a shit, my father said he also needed the loo and so we went to search for the crapper, whilst walking i was touching cloth, we got to the public loo's only to see that they were locked... my dad said take a shit behind a wall, so squatting down and forcing out a light brown dog turd onto the floor, since they was a rather messy one that would take more then half a toliet roll the get my ass clean. Looking around to only see that there was no grass, nor leaves... calling upon my dad for help he said that he only had his glasses cloth wiper thing that you get in your glasses case... so whilst trying to wipe as much shit onto it i thought i might as well just use my hand... to round up this story, i spend an extra few hours looking for an open bathroom with a shitty hand and shitty pants...

So when life gives you lemons, throw them the fuck back.
Tue 10th May 2011 7:27pm

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Cave Johnson said...
Cave Johnson Here;

Whilst meeting the other half of my family which live in Wales we all went down to the pier and have a decent stroll, i was 14 at the time and after not feel the well, i went up to my father and said, i really busting for a shit, my father said he also needed the loo and so we went to search for the crapper, whilst walking i was touching cloth, we got to the public loo's only to see that they were locked... my dad said take a shit behind a wall, so squatting down and forcing out a light brown dog turd onto the floor, since they was a rather messy one that would take more then half a toliet roll the get my ass clean. Looking around to only see that there was no grass, nor leaves... calling upon my dad for help he said that he only had his glasses cloth wiper thing that you get in your glasses case... so whilst trying to wipe as much shit onto it i thought i might as well just use my hand... to round up this story, i spend an extra few hours looking for an open bathroom with a shitty hand and shitty pants...

So when life gives you lemons, throw them the fuck back.

http://intrawebnet.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/baby-laugh-horrified.gif
Tue 10th May 2011 7:40pm

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my dog licked my arse crack then licked my balls then give me a lick on the cheek
Tue 10th May 2011 10:21pm

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neox said...
i think my faith in thesgl's humour was restored because of this page.

if any of you were ever to ask my friends what i was like, you'd get a simple answer. I poo myself often. Best episode of this was after a hard days graft at asda. Went round my uncles for a bbq with a standard 24 cans of scrumpy jack. I was at this bbq and proceeded to drink but not eat, i wasnt interested in eating i just wanted to get fucked and goto some clubs later on. So several cans of scrumpy jack, karaoke, and the usual good old barrow family fighting fun later and i was walking to the clubs with my mate. Next thing you know, without warning, i've just done the slimiest, wettest cider poo i have ever done in my life. At the time I was wearing really baggy jeans and a very old belt. In my angry 'cant believe ive just shit myself' drunken state i decided to fall back to a church garden where I could wipe my ass and hopefully salvage the situation. After leaving my shitty boxers in the driveway of a church I decided putting my pants on was a good idea, until I got to putting my belt on, for some reason I did it very angrily, and i go and snap this old leather belt. So ive got shit all over my legs and my arse, i cant hold my pants up all the way home without looking like a massive spacker so i tried to tie my belt into a knot! It worked so we carried on into town (not the smart thing like go home and get changed). We were dancing around in a club, met all our mates and then look what happens. The belt knot lasted about 45 minutes, i didnt realise it had come undone. So I was stood in the middle of the dance floor in this club throwing my cock around with dry shit all over my legs until the bouncers thrown me out. Called it a day after that.


club m lad ?
Tue 10th May 2011 11:14pm

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Back in me college days when i was about 17/18, i used to do a sunday paper round for a bidda extra cash.. one night i'd been out drinking the night before, but did the round anyway... half way through it felt as if i was gonna shit myself... literally went into this wooded area at the side of road and projectile shat up a tree lmao.. had to wipe my ass on doc leaves... was grim as sin
Wed 11th May 2011 2:50pm

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least the nettles didnt getcha
Wed 11th May 2011 3:23pm
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Not gna lie, Just had a quick wank in the work toilet.
Wed 11th May 2011 4:25pm

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I have a few funny stories about a mate of mine.

When we were younger we broke into a building site for where a new doctors was gonna be. He said he needed a poo and decided to poop down the elevator shaft. After dropping bombs 3 stories down into a pool of water he realised he didn't have any paper, and then decided the best thing would be to stick his arse onto the edge of a breezeblock and do a quick up/down on it. Turns out to be a bad idea because it doesn't really clear the shit, just smear it around while cutting you up and rubbing poop into the wounds.

Another time I got a call from a different mate saying he'd been out with mate #1 and now he was passed out at the end of my road (only about 5 minute walk from his anyway). I went down and he was laying sprawled out into the road with his eyes shut. He kept telling us he'd be fine but we figured it's best to move his fat ass home. After carrying him down the road (with stops so he could stumble into the round and have his trousers fall down like a 30's cartoon) we eventually got to his road. His house was a 30 second walk down and my house a 15 second walk back. I'm not sure what happened, but he suddenly came back to life and was telling us to go home as he was fine because he could see his house. Me and matey #2 decided to let him stumble down the road home while we went off for a joint. Speak to him the next day and it turns out that pretty much as soon as our backs were turned he just passed out into a bush and slept through the night.

Finally, when he was working as a builder he had a wank in someones loft. Apparently insulating foam is great for jizz absorbtion, but rubbish for helping you get off.
Wed 11th May 2011 8:57pm
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Literally just sprayed so hard 2 full spurts went on my face with a small drop landing in my mouth.

I would feel proud about how powerful it was but it was so damn salty I feel alittle insecure now.
Thu 12th May 2011 12:23am
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GSCE German was my favourite lesson for 2 reasons

I got to sit next to the girl I fancied and when we watched stuff on the projector the room was dark and I managed to have a ninja wank while sitting next to her..Hiding myJizz face requires precision skills.

I never got caught but If I did it would of ruined my time at school!

Bad times
Thu 12th May 2011 1:31am

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Was having a wank in my bedroom a few months ago, was just wearing a pair of shorts. Anyway, finished up and went downstairs. Mum goes "What's that on your stomach?" I just said it was snot. FML.
Thu 12th May 2011 7:02am
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Sync said...
GSCE German was my favourite lesson for 2 reasons

I got to sit next to the girl I fancied and when we watched stuff on the projector the room was dark and I managed to have a ninja wank while sitting next to her..Hiding myJizz face requires precision skills.

I never got caught but If I did it would of ruined my time at school!

Bad times


You do realize she knew exactly what was going on but didn't know how to handle it so just kept quiet right?
Thu 12th May 2011 9:21am

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Cazzah #LAD said...
Sync said...
GSCE German was my favourite lesson for 2 reasons

I got to sit next to the girl I fancied and when we watched stuff on the projector the room was dark and I managed to have a ninja wank while sitting next to her..Hiding myJizz face requires precision skills.

I never got caught but If I did it would of ruined my time at school!

Bad times


You do realize she knew exactly what was going on but didn't know how to handle it so just kept quiet right?


She could have grabbed some tweezers and a microscope
Thu 12th May 2011 9:28am
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Sync said...
GSCE German was my favourite lesson for 2 reasons

I got to sit next to the girl I fancied and when we watched stuff on the projector the room was dark and I managed to have a ninja wank while sitting next to her..Hiding myJizz face requires precision skills.

I never got caught but If I did it would of ruined my time at school!

Bad times


I find the fact that this took place during a German class very appropriate.
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