Embarrassing confessions?? Lets hear them

I like the Polish army coming to save you.




Another embarrassing story from when I was around 13-14. I was staying round a school mates house, we'd just had tea so went into the living room to mess about. We put all the sofa cushions on the floor and started to bust out our WWF stylin's. After a bit I was doing some move to his brother who was about 10 and he said "Stop I'm full of orange juice" and just as I'm about to respond the door swings open and his dad steps in to hear me say "Well you're about to piss it out". I think he actually burned a hole in my face with the eyes he was giving me. It was known he washed his kids mouths out with soap if they swore, so I just stood there for a moment before uttering my "....sorry".

So I survived that, and after a bit we all went off to bed. I was sleeping on the floor of my mates room. And now is where it turned from an embarrassing night to a WTF has been going on night. I wear glasses so I took them off to sleep. I wake up the next day with glasses on, and in a bed. Didn't strike me as odd at first because I'm used to sleeping in a bed. But I look to the side of me and his big brother (about 18-19 at the time) was there next to me getting dressed. I ask him what the hell was going on and his response was just "I've no idea". I casually got out of his bed, left his room and went back to my mates room to get my clothes.



Rather scared and confused about the whole situation. Have never spoken about it since.

Fucking WHAT eriD? You've clearly repressed whatever traumatic memory you hold from that night! ahaha amazing.

Ok I'll tell you about the time I attended The Beer Olympics. Basically for my friends 20th he got 20 odd lads round his house. Divided us into teams. There was America, England, China etc. I was in Team Nigeria as we had the only black person there. None of us were quite prepared for the amount we'd end up drinking.

Round 1 - Beer Pong

We all know the general jist of this game. Basically being the opening event a lot was riding on this. Our team, got knocked out in the quater finals and suffered the penalty of seeing off the winning teams drinks. 6 pints between 6 of us wasn't too bad, although we had already drank a fair amount during the game.

Round 2 - The High Jump

Basically your team drank a set amount of cans, you stack the cans and then attempt to jump them. Thanks to our black representitive we won this event with ease. Here's the magical moment.



Round 3 - Crate Lifting

This is where things started to hurt. The general idea of this game was each team had a crate of strongbow and you elect one member to take part. Each representitive had to hold the crate at arms length for as long as possible, the winner being whoever lasted the logest. Before starting each team had 1 minute to make the crate as light as possible by downing as many cans between your team. I think i managed the best part of 3 cans for our team, so we came second as our crate was proper light.



Round 4 - One Pint Sprint

Pretty simple. 1v1 fastes to down their pint wins. I was elected to do it for our team and sailed through each round and battered America in the final. Here's me on the podium



They were the really heavy games. We had a few more but I really can't remember. Anyway, after puking hard a few times the games came to a close with Team Nigeria taking overall 1st. I was proud of my lads. Basically just turned into a regular party after that. Was pretty good, more drinking. More puking. Then my friend decided to offer people a bare knuckle boxing match. I thought that sounded fun and took him up on the offer! I thought this would just be a soft little rough and tumble, nothing big. I was wrong. We step out side, we're all laughing then my mate just throws a humongous over arm right that I was not expecting. Genuinely think he wanted to kill me. Completey fucked up my eye. Really pissed me off so I went steaming in and we just unleashed on each other. Fight had to be stopped.

After wards:



I look an absolute mong there, to be fair I was in a massive state. Here's my eye the next morning...



Was supposed to be meeting a girl the next night. Safe as to say she was thoroughly uninterested in me. Good.

The party continued, was hilarious to be fair, never seen so much puke in my entire life. One lad managed to puke in my mates mum's boots. Was Embarrassing in every sense really. But amazing at the same time.

lmao brilliant and your eye was proper fucked lol

that might literally be the best thing i have ever read! beer olympics? bare-knuckle boxing?

what the actual fuck? how are you alive?

how can you still be alive after that night? o_O

the polish story reminds me of those polish people coming into that wiredout i think? after kyle and crono and stuff haha

This is pretty embarrassing but so freaking funny at the same time.

Went to New York 2years ago with mates from work, had a superb time with the exception of one day/night of heavy drinking.

We found an Irish bar a couple of blocks from our hotel and decided we were going to get wrecked, so at 9am we were queuing outside the bar waiting for it open at 9:30am. We were greeted by the most beautiful american woman I had ever seen, great body, superb ass and pretty face.
Four out of 6 of us were pretty pissed by 1pm and the bar maid realised this so she decided to open up the VIP area upstairs for us and she stuck around after her shift and carried on serving us, at this point the drinks were all on the house because between us we had already gained a ~$300 bill in the space of a few hours. We were drinking a simply massive mix of drink, spirits, lager, ale and some horrid cider.

Here comes the first embarrassing bit... we were pretty wrecked and we started to discuss just how hot the chick was and we all agreed with the exception of one person, he decided that she would be much better if it was a he and had a scrotum... from that moment he had turned gay and had been ever since. Worrying side to this was we were all pissed and I shared a hotel room with him. Eventually the talk about him being gay died down and we just carried on drinking.

3am rolled around and it was time to call quits on this session, 4 of the group had already gone back to the hotel and left me and the newly out gay. I decided to go to the toilet before we left and when I had finished my mate was following me down the stairs towards the exit, I assumed he paid the bill and we were all going to pay him back when we were all sober. On the way out I bumped into the barmaid who had gone outside for a cigarette, we kissed, exchanged numbers and then made arrangements for us to hook up at one of the dance clubs later in the week. No sooner as I had started to walk away from there I somehow shit myself with out realising, I had no control what so ever and I figured a very quick walk back to the hotel was in order.

I got back and remember being stuck at the room door for like 20mins getting my mate to open it because I just couldn't get the room card to work, at this point the shit was fucking cold and I could feel it down my legs, it was fucking horrible. I finally get inside the room and without thinking strip naked and pass out on the bed. A few hours later I am woken up to the sound of the cleaner opening the door finding me naked covered in shit and my mate who had manage to throw up everywhere, I mean in the drawers, on the ceiling, all over the TV... just freaking everywhere.

Was safe to say we were not getting our deposit back...

Matters were made worse because my mate didn't pay the bill... we ended up being escorted to the bar by police and paying for everything, even the stuff they claimed was on the house. ~$750 worth of drink....

Lmao! Would of been even funnier if your mates walked in on you passed out on your bed covered in shit with your newly gay friend. Would of looked like he had given you a right arse shagging! Ha

Swinder that's gold, pure gold! haha... guessing you didnt meet up with the marmaid in the end then :P

never trust a mermaid

Nah, she thought I was using her to get the drink for nothing, was gutting on so many levels.

I have just returned from the bathroom in seious burning pain and washing my nuts 100000 times. Had a fucked up neck so put tiger balm on my neck story cut short im reading swinders story scratching my nuts.....

Fire....fml

mm tiger balm smells gorge

Shower head full blast 5mins seems to have done the trick.

When I'm on the pc I often find I always play with something like a pen. I was messing around with something, not really paying attention what it was. Then, without thinking I decided to chew it - bad idea. It was a tube of super glue.

I had inadvertently bitten through the tube and superglue was leaking all over my lips. I didn't realise what it was for a second until i licked my lips. My tongue had glued to my bottom lip and I panicked and ended up glueing both my lips together with my tongue in the middle. In the process I also ended up glueing my hand to my trousers. I then shit myself big time, having visions of all my skin ripping off my lips when it gets taken off.

In an act of shear desperation I pathetically googled 'Help ive superglued my mouth shut'. They all said just rinse it with warm water and it eventually unsticks. The bathroom in that house was on the other side of the living room. My housemate had a few of his mates round who were all in the living round. I had to walk through the living room with my tongue sticking out of my mouth superglued between both of my lips, and my hand glued to my trousers. I couldn't explain what had happened and just had to mumble something loudly as I walked past looking like such a fucking idiot. Eventually it all came unstuck and I spent the next couple of hours peeling off superglue from my lips and tongue - fucking excruciating.

lol k9

I'll just leave this here: http://9gag.com/gag/138443/

lol...

awesome tubbeh, had me going completely