Embarrassing confessions?? Lets hear them

end of term party at uni first year, got back to halls carried on drinking, climbed one of the buildings drank up on the roof, calling it a night mates climbed down and jumped onto the concrete road. I thought ill be the clever one and jump into the bushes to break my fall...ended up landing on a wooden stick/pole the sort that support trees. Was in so much fucking pain looked into my pants and there was blood, at this point im showing off the wound on my left testicle to my two mates and they are pissing themselves. Fast forward a bit, go to A&E, get one stitch in by a male nurse(poor bant), nothing wrong with the testicles.

Following day couldnt walk, got on it again, met some girl went back to hers, on the bed making out etc then i realised i pierced my bollocks the night before so got up said bye and walked off.

not even embarrassed just thought ill share the story and give a few laughs.

moar stories

rofl LukAsSS

more! more!

Right just thought of quite a good one.

As I'm a spastic about a year ago me and my friends got into an arguement about weither or not Bam Margeria's willy brand hurt or not as he was dancing around like mad while getting it done etc. Arugement follows, cooker to hand and a cookie shaper. I end up with a love heart branded on my arse in the name of science and yes it fucking kains.

4 day's later, the cut starts pussing. So had the fun task of having to get the bus my local hospitals A&E to explain my story and to see if I'd done some serious damage as it still felt like my arse cheek had been hit with a bazooka.

Hobble in like I've been raped by a dragon and proceed to explain my story to the receptionist, at which she choked and almost died on her hobnob while I explained how I ended up with a pussing love heart on my arse cheek.

Wait for the normal 2-3 hours in A&E after reading about 70 editions of Garders weekly, I finally get called up!
No affence I was hoping for some old nan type figure to tell me off and bandage up the burn/cut (not sure what you class it as at this point) and give me some painkillers then send me on my merry way. No I get the hottest nurse I've ever seen after all the banter I've had to fight back already at this hospital I don't need some beauty of a nurse ripping it out of me half naked.

So I take a deep gulp of dribble, walk up and go behind the curtain divider which was pretty much still in the waiting room. Another problem I didn't account for happended, I put plasters over the cut as much as possiable to stop the blood scabbing a sticking my boxers to the wond, well after 4 hours around in total of sitting around the plasters have pretty much came off at this point and my boxers have stuck to the cut on my arse.

I spent 30 mins behind that curtain screaming while the girl of my dreams, disected my white boxers from my arse, pours this stuff that kains onto the cut to clean it and while proceeding to kill all my left pride by constantly pretty much laughing the whole time.

Finally ordeal over, explains what I need to do over the next couple of days and opens the curtain for me and helps me to the door. Alot of people looked at me in shock, smiled or just had a wtfface. The whole time I was in there I forgot the curtain paine room was right next to where people sat, now I'm pretty much being carried by a nurse with trousers quite low, boxers have a huge rip in and blood all over the left bum cheeky and I'm hobbling like i've been raped by Ron Jerry.

By this time I couldn't face getting the bus, so got mum to give me a lift. To then proceed to have the biggest telling off ever, even worse than when I was 5 and decided to draw a face on the fridge with a marker pen. fuck it.

Interesting story, some confusing parts though




Are dragons good at freestyle battles then?




I'm not too sure who Ron Jerry is, nor what hobberling is, but he sounds like a ruffian.

spelling mistakes edited, I now hope your lifes complete. You'll find a rope in your shed, thank you and much love.

why bring a downer on the thread by taking the piss out of his spelling mistakes.. couldnt you of just left it?

Think you mean Ron Jeremy tubbeh. :)

eRid your a sad fuck and that generally made me laugh quite alot tubbeh, especially the gardeners weekly ;p

ok when i was about 16 my nan came round to visit we was all sat in the living room having a good laugh when the dog we had ( cocker spaniel ) walked in with a big black dildo in its mouth turned out it had been under my mums bed and got it, was funny watching me mum chase the dog round lol

Eugh. Genuinely*
Winds me right up.

lol

hahahaha

moar! these are great

Bump for teh lolzzz

Right here goes

Shagging my now ex before work, was going fairly hard and torn my banjo string. She could tell I cringed and said whats wrong, I pulled out and blood dripping everywhere, I said it was ok and shit and I washed it out in the sink stopped the bleeding and we just kinda cuddled in her bed for abit.

But I was so still horny I made her toss me off while we lied next to eachother and it started bleeding again but she didn't notice and kept going and when I came a mixture of bloody cum started spraying all over her white night top and she saw it and looked down and he hand was all bloody and she goes 'ew dont get it on me' but I was cumming so hard I didn't give a shit and just sprayed everywhere.

Still to this day I laugh at the 'ew dont get it on me'.

She was proper kinky too, like slap me up call me your whore fuck my ass on the bonnet of your car and make me swallow it all kinky.

as im a catholic i was with my GF at the time about 5 years ago there was noone in the house but me and her so we did the usual stripping off getting down to the buisness.
Im going at it like a crazed lunatic on the couch in the sitting room next thing i look up and see a priest in the window about to knock it hes just staring at us and started shouting religious beliefs etc.

My life ended that day her dad was doing a job on the church doors and told the priest to come by and pick them up at that time but she "obviously" forgot

I've been lucky to never snap mine before. Came close a couple of times though! :E