Good old chuck

I know this is ancient and possibly posted 8000 times but they fucking crack me up... just thought i'd share some ones i haven't seen yet and some of my faves:

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.


How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

Bruce Lee could never beat Chuck Norris ... it was just a movie.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

hahaha, some of them are hilarious. I haven't heard them for a long time though.

EDIT:

They once made chuck norris toilet paper, it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

People wear superman pyjamas, Superman wears chuck norris pj's.

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. There is no such thing as protection from chuck norris

chuck norris is the only man alive that can roundhouse kick you in the back of the face

Chuck norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun

Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer... too bad he never cries.

When Chuck Norris does pushups he doesnt push himself up, he pushed the earth down.

It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.

Can't remember anymore, used to know loads as well :'

so OLD MAKAS ~~ LOL

class ive not heard them all

They once made chuck norris toilet paper, it wouldn't take shit from anybody. = the best rofl

rofl they just get old

chuck norris doesnt get wet when jumping in water the water gets chuck norrised

http://www.gotfrag.com/cs/forums/thread/329900/

BACK OF UR FACE ROFL

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

love it haha

This actually made me lol lol

Monster look under their bed for Chuck Norris.

The bible was originally titles 'Chuck Norris and friends'

There is no such thing as evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris allowed to live.

haha

google search for Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.

Chuck Norris once has a heart attack. Chuck won.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.

Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano

Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

And my favourite
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Chuck Norris jokes never get old, he's an utter legend in the joke world aha.

BEfore each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.



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In cs_747 Chuck Norris can pilot the plane.
Chuck Norris can spray with an awp. He can burst fire as well.
Chuck Norris can spam through walls with his knife.
When Chuck Norris shoots, it is rhythmical. And his running sounds like tap-dancing.
Chuck Norris can buy the bomb.
Chuck Norris won cpl summer in spring.
Chuck Norris can shoot while defusing.
Chuck Norris is the most underrated player.
Chuck Norris defeated BigAl on aim_map.
Chuck Norris can run during respawn time.
Chuck Norris won eswc without monitor, just with headphones.
At wcg there is one slot for each country and two slots for Chuck Norris.
When u kill Chuck Norris, u get ban.
Fragmovie of Chuck Norris got 12 Oscar prizes.
Chuck Norris defeated fnatic with ping 1500. And his 4 teamnates were teamkillers.
Chuck Norris can shoot silently with awp.
The only thing is faster then light. It is the reflex of Chuck Norris.

There are three main types of Death in America, they are 1. Lung Cancer 2. Heart Disease 3. Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris more legit than FuzzeH

Chuck Norris once defeated Uzi in a game of Admin Abuse

Chuck Norris could not attend Summer Slam, reason he gave was; I'm trialing for SK

Chuck Norris is a 5man team himself with 4Kings as 6ths.

Chuck Norris invented 2k8, cy@, wOw~, [A], 1g

lmao, some good ones there

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